It's the Strangest Thing...

As soon as I begin a vacation from work for more than one week my intellectual level immediately drops.
It really is the strangest thing. 

It's as though my brain says "You're not going to really need me for a little while anyway, so I'm gonna hop on the next flight to the Bahamas!"
And I'm left here to fend for myself.

You think I'm exaggerating...
I have been on vacation now since Friday at 12:30pm.
In the last three days I have:

*Said the sentence, "I bet we maked someone's day."
*Taken three times to successfully start my car. (Which only involves pushing a button. Seriously, I don't even use a key!)
*Then said, "Third charm's a try!" 
*Spilled a glass of iced tea on my mom at Jason's Deli while telling a story and gesturing in a fashion that was, apparently, a bit too grand.

And my personal favorite...

*Walked into the women's restroom at Wal-Mart and thought "Why are there urinals in here?!"
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.
.
Yeah...not the women's restroom.

This isn't even the first time this sort of pattern has occured.  Every summer I experience this as well.
It's immediate too, so I can't even prepare myself for all of the stupidity.
I'm sure worried about how I'm going to make it through the next two weeks.
Maybe my brain will decide to come back home because it doesn't want to be away from me for the holidays.
I hope so.

5 days and counting!!!

(P.S. Sorry if there are typos in this. You know why.)

I Literally Died

Really?
You literally died?  How is that exactly?

The word "literally" is just completely unnecessary. 

If you say, "There were literally a hundred bees on me!"  Trust me. We believe you.

100 bees, got it. No need for the literally.

If someone says, "I literally died from embarrassment!"  You wouldn't be here to tell us. 

You're dead.  From the embarrassment, so it seems.

It's like...if I were given the choice to either:

a.) Spend one day with someone who says "literally" in their casual conversations or

b.) Tear off one of my fingernails.

I'm picking option B without hesitation.

So please, dear readers, let's stop all this "literally" nonsense. If you are guilty of using this word, now's the time to stop.  Don't kid yourself by saying you'll only use it every now and again. 

You need to give it up. Cold turkey.

Everyone you say it to either understands you are serious or they think you are ridiculous for saying things like, "The line at the post office was so long, I literally waited for like five hours."

If we work together, we can make the world a place where our children can play outside without being confused by idiots using this horrible word incorrectly.

I hope you have enjoyed my Public Service Announcement. 

Tell your friends. Let's make it happen.

P.S. I'm still working hard to get "Thursday" changed to "Prefriday."

~Lauren: Making the world a better place, one ridiculous thing at a time.~



Just Around the Corner

Christmas is in 1 week.
1 week!
Seven days!

We're pretty excited around here.  Even though we're not done shopping or wrapping yet.
It's only hard to do Christmas shopping when you don't know what to get someone.
Then it only kind of makes you want to yell at everyone.

I'm Afraid of my Mailbox

Seriously.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to go near it anymore.
Why, you ask?

It gives me the biggest (and quite strong) shock everytime I touch the key to the lock!

At first it was just a tiny spark with a little "oh, that shocked me" kind of feeling.

But today...I get out of my car, I walk up the box and I wasn't even thinking about the shocks.
It could have been like an old western movie where the mailbox was at one end of the dirt street and I was at the other and I was saying things like "Alright, box. It's just you and me" with squinted eyes and a scowl on my face...

But it wasn't.

I was just going about my business and BAM.  The spark was a tiny line of electricity and my arm got a nice little tingle.

So...I'm officially afraid of my mailbox.  Lame, I know.  But no one likes to get shocked.

Lost

Lost is defined as the following:

No longer possessed or retained.

I disagree.  

 What about the people we've lost over the years?

They are in our hearts.

I possess the spirit of my loved ones who have gone to another place.

I retain their qualities through laughing and reminiscing.

They are far from lost.

Maybe just stored away somewhere.

Tis the Season

Christmas is practically here.

There's only 12 days left.

Lights on our home are glowing.

Tree is up...and beautiful!

Cards were mailed.

Gifts have been purchased (well..not all of them, but most!)

The good times are upon us!

Time to laugh with family and friends.

Time to drive around with a (oh my gosh, best thing I've ever tasted) Carmel Apple Spice from Starbucks, listen to festive music and look at lights.

Did I mention time to laugh?

Speaking of laughing...

Did you notice my reflection in the ball ornament to the right of the "joy?"

Need a closer look?

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.

.

Ya...

Josh likes to jump up and down like a yetti while I'm taking a picture

just to see if he can make into the reflection.

He's like that adorable spirit of light you find in a photo after you develop it.

...Well kinda :)

Hope you're all ready for the season!

Like a Retirement Community

Josh: "Honey, would you start eating meat again if we bought a bunch of cows and let them die of natural causes?"

Me:  "And we'd just have chickens and pigs too?"

Josh:  "It'd be like a retirement community!"

(*Insert my hysterical laughter.)

 

 

What a lovely new slogan...

Our home...where livestock comes to die!

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It's ok to laugh, that's pretty hilarious...and never going to happen!

Well...probably not.

Thank You Notes No.2

Dear Spoof Movies,
Thank you for allowing me to save my money be creating yet another horrible looking film. Vampires Suck...thanks, but no thanks. I'll keep my blood and my money!

Dear Animal Planet,
Thank you for airing "America's Cutest Cat 2010."  It is nice to have things to laugh at while browing through my cable guide.

Dear Electronic Christmas Cards,
Thank you for allowing people to put even less effort into sending holiday wishes. Your upside...saving the Earth. I guess it evens out.

Dear Big Name Companies,
Thank you for drilling your slogans into children. You would not believe how much my students, at 10 years old, know about advertising. They'll never be dooped because they didn't read the fine print! 

Dear The Holiday Season,
Thank you for being so fun, even though you are so much work.

Christmas time is in full swing!

Let's do this!

Love,                                      

Lauren